A question that has been on my mind a lot lately is “What do I want my title to be?”
Now I know that may seem a little pretentious. Like, why do I need a title or who do you think you are getting a title? But in reality when we are gone from the world, people we knew or who knew about us are left with memories and unofficially, a title.
Whether we are just known simply as “mom” or “sweet loving person” or even as highly as “noble peace prize winner”. We will all have some sort of title.
Now the reason this question has been on my mind is because after thinking much about this blog and speaking to my husband about this blog. I was pondering why I actually started writing here. The answer to that question is quite simple, to help give support to other step-parents and basically writing is my best therapy and writing out my emotions helps me since I don’t have any outside parties to talk to that can relate.
But I then realized.. do I want to center my whole life around “step-mom”. Do I forever want my title to be “step-mom”? I don’t mean this in a negative light, I do enjoy being a step-parent. It has so many benefits and is quite fun most of the time. But I am also a birth mother and that brings up much struggle. I was a step-mom before a birth mom so does that make step-mom my first title?
On my obituary when I pass, do I want it to say “Beloved wife, step-mom, mother, sister and daughter”? Or just simply “Beloved wife, mother, sister and daughter”? Or will the children’s birth mom be offended at that? Do I want to be known to the rest of the world as the step-mom?
Step-mom has gotten such a bad rap and in my opinion I do not fit any of the stereotypes of the publicized “step-mom”. I would rather just be called my name and not by step-mom. I don’t want to be ashamed but I think it comes with the territory and probably more so in my case where my oldest step daughter is only seven years my junior.
But when I married my husband I took on the responsibilities and I have never refused to do that job. I take it with pride most of the time and I step up to the plate and a lot of times step up to the birth mothers plate as well. I love doing it and even though I often times I hesitate before swinging the bat I know it is what my step kids need.
So do I want to be known my whole life as a “step-mom”? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not the perfect example of one and by no means an expert on it. I don’t know if I am good enough to even be writing this blog about it. But really, who is? This job is not one size fits all and every situation is different. Not one of us is an expert on how to do it. We all have our great days where we don’t even feel the step in our name and others days it feels like the step is stepping all over us.. But we all do it and we do it the best we know how and that alone should help us keep our heads held high and our shoulders pushed back because we are doing jobs that some people just can’t handle.
Bravo step-parents, bravo!
Stepmom in Training 